Oops, I did it again

I’m sorry, dear. Done it again. I wished I feel the grief you feel, but I don’t – though I know I was wrong. And it’s not the first time. Sorry… I wished I feel the grief you feel, but I don’t – that shows how far I am away from you. I wished I could promise you I’ll never do it again, guarantee you that it will never happen anymore. But I know I can’t, because I know it could, it might. I’m so weak, so often tempted; my mind and my heart disagree with each other. My inner life leaves much to be desired.

But I’m glad I’m struggling. Giving in to the struggle is far worse. It’s THE END. I must keep fighting, stop feeling defeated. I must forget what’s behind and strain towards what’s ahead.

Lord, have mercy on me.