Do you not know

Observations from a Singaporean heartlander*:

Do you not know that...
1. When you buy kopi from a kopitiam, the stallholder always asks if you want to drink it? (“he1 de?” No, uncle, I wanna bathe with it, so make it pua-sio-leng, please…..)
2. Winter, not summer, is the season that Singapore experiences all year long? (summer disappears during the monsoon season, but you can always count on office & shopping centre air-con for that alaskan-factor)
3. Singaporean students never like tea? (they always take the tea out of teacher)
4. Singaporean students somehow lose their ability to walk once they need to go to the toilet? (‘Cher! Can I go toilet?)
5. Service staff with bad pronunciation always want a share of your food – even if you’re not eating? (“Can I help chew?” ie. Can I help you?)
6. During a Singaporean sale, 20% off means the same thing as FREE! to female shoppers? (Why else would there be endless ladies snatching things ferociously? It’s only 20% off, for goodness’ sake!)
7. In an HDB lift, the most interesting thing is the panel showing which floor the lift is at? (Why else would you study the panel earnestly twice a day, everyday for 20 years?)
8. If the sole of your sports shoe peels off, it’s definitely a nike?
9. In the sports stadium, there are no arrows marked in the lanes, but everyone runs in the same direction?
10. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

*In no way am I mocking those who are linguistically challenged. I love life in Singapore. I love Singlish & would defend it tooth & nail – it’s our national heritage, our own creation. How dare the gahmen accuse us of not being creative, of not having a national identity??!! Why, we’ve even invented our own language! And a wealth of literature to boast of! And it certainly takes a confident Singaporean to laugh at himself / herself. You can't put down our chewren liddat, k... they our nex generation....